On the Road | Afternoon

[apocalypsehow]

How had they procured a car? Don't ask stupid questions. Either way, Five and Klaus were on the open road with corn fields passing them by as they drove.

"This actually isn't so terrible," Five said after a nice, long, peaceful stretch of silence.

Klaus	Why was Klaus driving was the real question. "See? Told you." Nice, calming drive. No destination to get to whatsoever. Nope.
Five	Because Five was retired. "Come to think of it, my whole life I've been under the gun," Five said, looking out at the landscape as it passed by. "Missions for Dad, working for the Commission, trying to survive the apocalypse, trying to survive a weird boarding school." Don't ask about that, Klaus. "I was always looking around every corner, just waiting for the other shoe to drop. It's nice to just... breathe."
Klaus	"Good for you man," Klaus said, meaning that. "Retirement is suiting you." The concept of retirement, not the clothes.
Five	His clothing was fine, Klaus! "Uh, alright," Five said, digging out a big road map and opening it. "So I've circled several roadside attractions along the way."
Klaus	Oh no. He thought they'd be much further along before this conversation had to happen. "I'm not sure we'll have time."
Five	Yeah, but Five was a planner. "We have the Brownsville Big Nickel," Five said, pointing them out on the map for Klaus. "Ricky's Bakery has award winning pies." Always important to figure out the food situation on a road trip, right?
Klaus	How in the hell did you have time to plan this, Five? Klaus just brought up the idea to you this morning! "If you would just let me explain--" Klaus continued, keeping his eyes on the road.
Five	Deal with it, Klaus. "Or there's this Cow Henge," he continued.
Klaus	"Listen to me!" Klaus shouted. "Shut up for two seconds, okay?" Then we can talk about whatever the fuck a Cow Henge was.
Five	He knew he'd get you with the Cow Henge! Five took a deep, annoyed breath, turning in his seat to look completely at Klaus. "Okay, I'm all ears."
Klaus	"We are going to Pennsylvania to find my birth mother," Klaus said quickly. "Yay!" Way better than cows henging, right?
Five	"Excuse me?"
Klaus	"I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry," Klaus said. "I just needed somebody with me for emotional support." And his options were very, very limited.
Five	And you picked Five? "Oh, emotional support, like a schnauzer?" Five said, really showcasing how he was the wrong choice.
Klaus	Well, at least he nailed the dog breed he'd be. "I knew you wouldn't come if I told you, so what was I supposed to do?"
Five	"You're goddamn right I wouldn't have come, Klaus!" Five exploded. "You know why? Because I am supposed to be retired!" Look at his retirement vest!
Klaus	"I know!" But look at his face, Five. Look how sad he was about lying to you.
Five	Ugh, don't give him that look! "This was supposed to be a carefree road trip!" Five insisted.
Klaus	"Well, it still can be, babe." The henge would be there when they got back from Klaus' journey to meet his mother.
Five	Damn right it would. "Ball of twine? Klaus, turn," he ordered.
Klaus	"What?" Are you having a stroke, old man?
Five	He was going to see that damn ball of twine. Which was why Five hurled himself over to turn the wheel for Klaus. Since it was being forced of him.
Klaus	"Five! Five!" Klaus screamed as the car swerved into oncoming traffic. "You're gonna kill us!"
Five	This was Klaus' own fault! "It's one of the best ones!" he insisted. "Come on!"
Klaus	"Stooooooop!" The word got drawn out as Klaus tried to turn the wheel to avoid a head-on collision. "We're gonna die!"
Five	"I don't care! No twine, no birth mother!" Also, it would only be a light... graze with death, you baby.
Klaus	Well how could Klaus say no to a normal, totally hinged, request like that? Which is how they ended up starting at a ball of twine. Large, yes. But world's largest? "I don't know why, but I thought it'd be bigger."
Five	It was debatable on that front, yes. "Seems pretty big to me," Five said, taking it all in and letting Klaus linger there for a moment or two longer before finally asking, "Here's the real question. How do you know your birth mother is in Pennsylvania?"
Klaus	"Well because when I was on the ass-end of a two week bender--" Most of Klaus' stories started off this way. "--and I can't tell you the exact date because we were boofing Xanax and the whole business. But Amy Winehouse was at the top of the charts. So that puts us somewhere, where, mid-to-late aughts?" Anyway. "I helped myself into Dad's office, looking for the keys to his safe. But instead I found a treasure trove of our family history, told in expired check stubs," Klaus said. "I was too messed up to do anything about it at the time, but always in the back of my mind I wonder why she sold me off for three grand. I mean, come on, she couldn't have held out for five? Six?"
Five	"You see anything about my mother?" Five asked, turning to look at him.
Klaus	"No," he said. "I'm sorry." If he had been sober he might've been paying more attention at the time.
Five	Five took that without any fuss and nodded. "Why now?"
Klaus	"Well, duh. Dad disowns us. Grace isn't Grace. Ben's...gone." Replaced by some dickhead. "Now feels like a good time as any to find out who I could have been, if I didn't grow up in this stupid family." No offense.
Five	"Well, can you really call what we had family?" Five asked, because in this, Klaus picked the right sibling.
Klaus	"No, it's more like a..." How to put this delicately?
Five	No need for that. "Institute for snarky delinquents?" Five filled in. "And not a good one at that."
Klaus	"But what is family?" Oh no, he was going to philosophical with this, brace yourself. "What is it? It's like some...giant ball of twine. That can never be untangled." Wonder where he got that metaphor.
Five	Weird! It probably didn't help that Five was also taking his inspiration from the ball of twine in front of them. "A giant ball of obligation I've been pushing uphill my entire life," he didn't so much counter as say over what Klaus was saying.
Klaus	"And the older you get, the bigger it gets," Klaus said. "And the more you try to untangle it..." Guys, you were coming super close to a heart to heart, here.
Five	"You watch it roll down the hill... and what's the point?" They were so close. And yet so far still.
Klaus	Now watch as Klaus moved even closer to the goal line. "Hey, I'm glad you came along," he said. "You're a good brother." He allowed that to hang in the air for a couple of seconds. "All right, you say nice things about me now."
Five	Five rolled his eyes and started back for the car before he could reconsider this plan. "Let's go find your stupid mother."
Klaus	Close enough! "I love you too, tiny dancer!" Klaus said as he followed after Five excitedly.
Five	Well, it wasn't too far off from the other ridiculous tourist traps that Five wanted to visit, at least. But not even Five could have predicted the farm they were slowly driving up to. "Son of a bitch, Klaus is Amish."
Klaus	"This explains everything." Did it? Did it, Klaus?
Five	"How does this explain anything?" Five demanded, incredulous.
Klaus	"Because, look!" Klaus held out his arms, ignoring strange looks he was getting from the Amish people that lived there. "Look at this place! This is everything my childhood was missing!"
Five	Sure. That made perfect sense. "Hey, uh, Klaus?" Five said before Klaus could run off to find his mother and probably get in trouble with the locals. "Doppelganger check. You feel anything strange? Itching, sweats, gas... anything like that?"
Klaus	"No, no, I feel great." Well... "Apart from a rash on the old tackle, but what can you do?" Honesty is the best policy, right?
Five	Yeah, not at all what Five needed to know about. "Alright," he said. "Good luck."
Klaus	"Wait, you're not coming?" But...but his emotional support schnauzer.
Five	"This one you gotta do alone," Five said with all the sage wisdom of a man his age.
Klaus	Klaus looked disappointed, but nodded. "Oh, fine." Then he headed off towards the village, looking so out of place among the Amish people. Pray for these Amish people.
Five	Five would do nothing of the sort. But he would sit in the back of the car, looking over the map for the next ridiculous roadside attraction that he wanted to look at for ten minutes before Klaus got antsy and needed to find a bathroom or snack of whatever children needed. The sound of cows in the field was only barely audible over the music on radio that he was singing along to. And then, suddenly, the ambient sound was gone in a whoosh of force that had him tumbling out of his seat and looking around. "I can't get one fucking day off?"
Five, a few minutes later	No, no he couldn't. And the marker he'd been using on the map was now being used on every single side window on the vehicle as he worked through the math of what just happened and if it was possibly, just possibly... not his family's fault. That would be great.
Klaus	Forget about the cows, there were more pressing issues right now. Like the fact that Klaus was reenacting the opening scene of Raiders of the Lost Ark being chased down a hill by angry Amish. "Five! Five, start the car!" We all had to know it would have ended this way.
Five	Five looked away from the numbers to find Klaus being chased by an angry mob. Because of course he did. "Shit," he hissed, moving around to get into the driver seat. "Why can't you just get along with people?"
Klaus	It was a flaw, he knew that! "I tried! Really, I tried!" Klaus said, breathing heavily as he finally reached the car. Then he noticed he was being beckoned by a woman who actually didn't look angry at him. "Wait, wait, hold on--" Luckily these Amish couldn't run very fast.
Five	Five got the car roaring to life before he poked his body out of the car to look at what the hell Klaus was doing. "Klaus, come on! It's now or never!"
Klaus	Klaus scrambled into the car, not looking back at the angry Amish that could be throwing pitchforks at the back of their car at any moment. Mostly because what the nice lady had given him was way more interesting. "This whole timeline's full of riddles," Klaus murmured. "Get this, my mom died before I was born."
Five	Five slammed on the brakes and turned to stare at him. "What did you just say?"

[The usual--NFB, NFI but OOC is great! Taken from TUA 3x02 World's Biggest Ball of Twine and preplayed with knife_bender]