apocalypsehow | A tacky restaurant followed by a tacky hotel

The culottes comment had been uncalled for, but Five did indeed wait for his siblings to file out with their varying levels of insanity still keeping on ruining his plans to save them from themselves.

Only after they'd left did he go over to the bar where Reginald was seated.

Reginald	You know what this evening needed? More alcohol. More alcohol and less giant men ripping their shirts off. "You seem to be the sensible one of the bunch."
Five	Five couldn't even disagree with that. God, Luther. Why are you like this? Other than all the trauma. "That's because I'm the oldest," Five said, taking a seat next to him as he considered that. He let out an amused little huff. "You know, technically I'm older than you right now."
Reginald	You know what? Not the weirdest thing he heard all day. Not by a mile. Reginald held up a bottle. "Cognac?" Let's be real, even if Five hadn't claimed to be older than thirteen he would have offered. He wasn't like other dads, he was a cool dad.
Five	He was never a cool dad. He was an inscrutable dad who didn't recognize children as anything other than tiny adults. "Just a smidge," Five said. Because he needed it after this evening. And, okay, being recognized by their father as something close to an equal was nice.
Reginald	"The other night you quoted Homer at me," Reginald said, pouring a small amount of cognac into a glass before handing it to Five. "Why?"
Five	Five took his glass and lifted it in a cheers motion. "You forced us to learn it as kids," he replied, taking a sip. "In the original Greek, no less." And perhaps that particular passage had been in his head for a while. He'd spent a long, long time alone. (With Dolores) But he needed to focus and not let any maudlin thoughts cloud his judgement here. "The world ends in five days if we don't get out of this timeline."
Reginald	"Worlds end," Reginald said. "Paleozoic, Jurassic, so on..."
Five	"We can do something about this one," Five countered.
Reginald	"Man's greatest flaw: The illusion of control." Did you miss someone talking at you like this, Five? It wasn't annoying, was it?
Five	Oh god, was this what it was like talking to him? "I need your help, alright?" Five said, sighing in annoyance as he turned in his seat to face his father. "You're my last sane option. Otherwise I've gotta make a deal I really don't want to make." Because he knew for a fact that it was a trick or it had more catches than he was aware of. "What do you know about time travel?"
Reginald	"In theory?" he asked, taking another sip of cognac.
Five	"In practice," Five replied.
Reginald	Stop him if you've heard this one. "I know it's akin to descending blindly into the depths of freezing waters and reappearing--"
Five	"--as an acorn," Five filled in before he could finish that sentence. "Yeah." Yeah, he'd definitely heard it before. From you, in fact, Reginald.
Reginald	"What transpired when you tried travelling before?" Reginald asked.
Five	Five inhaled, hating to have to admit to this here. "I botched it," he admitted with another sip of cognac.
Reginald	"How?" Details, young man! He needed details!
Five	Okay, this he hadn't missed. "I jumped too far forward, got stuck in the future in the apocalypse for 45 years." Which had been terrible. "Then I jumped too far backwards, except this time I brought my family with me." Which was... slightly less terrible? Maybe?
Reginald	Reginald thought about that for a moment. "Maybe your appetite is disproportionate to the size of your abilities. Start small. Seconds, not decades." Maybe a conversation that should have started back in 2002 before Five disappeared the first time but, whatever, they were having it now. No harm, no foul?
Five	It would have been nice! Might not have helped because Five had been too impatient, though. "Seconds? Look, no offense, but I need a bit more time for what I'm trying to accomplish."
Reginald	"So much can change in a matter of seconds," Reginald said. "One could overthrow an empire. One could fall in love. An acorn doesn't become an oak overnight." God, how did he land Grace talking like that?
Five	Well, it was certainly more fanciful and romantic than he'd ever considered his father to be. "I was really hoping you had more than that," Five admitted, frowning as he tried his best to parse it. Again, he needed practical solutions here.
Reginald	"I'm sorry I can't be more help." And that sounded sincere. Weird, right?
Five	It really was! Unfortunately no one was there to witness it and his siblings would never believe him. "I'm sorry, too," Five said after a moment's pause, contemplating the last of his cognac. "I gave you such a hard time as a kid. I didn't know any better." Now he was a grizzled old man. Stuck in the body of a teenager.
Reginald	Reginald shrugged, smiling slightly. "No skin off my teeth, old man."
Five	That made Five almost laugh and lift his glass in one last toast before he downed it. He had to go make a deal with the devil.

Five	Well, Dad had been a bit of a bust even if it did give him something to think on. But he needed practical solutions here. Which was why he was knocking on the door of The Handler's hotel room. Not liking what he was going to do, but going to do it anyway.
The Handler	She swung the doors open with a bright smile, apparently totally unsurprised to see Five on the other side. "Ah! Just in time for a nightcap," she greeted him with a smile, leaving the doors open for him and turning brightly to head over to the set of martini glasses on the sideboard. And, of course, her now-ubiquitous cigarette in its long, elegant holder.
Five	It was almost like she was literally his only option or something! Five followed her inside, glancing around for a hint of Lila. "To be clear, I take out the board, you get me and my family home. No more doomsday, no more apocalypse. Is that correct?"
The Handler	The Handler sighed, setting one the glasses down on the nightstand next to the bed, and plucked up a slip of paper as she lounged deliberately and languidly across the bed. "That's the deal."
Five	"Then I'm in." Just for the murder. You absolute creeper.
The Handler	Pff, how dare you. What was creepy about the way she was holding out that slip of paper with the date and address on it all enticingly from here on the bed? Nothing. Perfectly normal. Honestly, be glad she wasn't making him fish it out of her cleavage.