apocalypsehow | Hotel Obsidian | The same evening as yesterday

Diego knew Annie was pissed. Like, super pissed. So he didn't think much about her being gone all day, especially since Luther was gone as well. He was glad Annie was talking to somebody.

But they had been gone a long time. He was getting a little worried.

Worried, on top of being supremely annoyed by Stan. This kid was a little shit.

"This kid is cramping my style."

Allison	"What are you mumbling about?" Allison asked, already a few drinks in. And, yes, she could see you giving her worrying looks, Viktor.
Diego	"I need to be able to react to danger on a moment's notice," Diego said. "How am I supposed to do that when playing wet nurse to a 12-year-old?"
Allison	"At least you have a kid," Allison said, knocking back the rest of her drink.
Five	Before that renewed source of trauma could be unpacked to something that wouldn't doom them all, Five and Klaus came bursting in through one of the revolving doors. Yes, at the same time because this family was stupid and couldn't help itself. "Okay, gather round, people," Five announced, book in hand as he took stock of who was there. "Where is every--where's Luther? And Annie." If they get lost or fell down a ditch or something, he was going to be so annoyed.
Diego	"Annie's super pissed at me so she's either off trying to find Charleston Chews or a divorce lawyer," Diego replied. "I assume Luther's with her or off saving a cat stuck in a tree."
Five	You know what, he wasn't even going to question the Luther thing. Because it really did sound correct. "Well, we have more important things to deal with than your marital drama right now," Five informed him. Such a loving brother, Five.
Allison	"Like what?" Was it more important than getting her drink on? Doubtful.
Five	"Like this," Five said, putting the book that had been shoved at Klaus down on the bar and opening it up to flick through the pages of newspaper articles and pictures of young women. "These are our mothers. They're all dead. They all died on the exact same day, October 1st, 1989." So, let that sink in, will you.
Viktor	"That's our birthday," Viktor said, leaning in to get a glimpse of his mother.
Five	"Not anymore it isn't," Five said with a sigh that implied he was upset that his retirement had been only a pipedream. "They all died before we were born."
Diego	"That's dumb," Diego said. "If we weren't born how can we exist?" He would like to think he'd know if he didn't exist, Five.
Five	"Exactly!" You were so close, Diego. So close!
Viktor	For once Viktor was actually as confused as Diego was. "What are you saying, Five?" And please don't use a stupid Commission name for something the rest of them didn't understand.
Five	"I'm saying, when we jumped here, we created a time paradox. Alright?" Did that work? If not, he was gonna indeed use some stupid Commission name for it. "Not just any paradox. This is the Grandfather Paradox." Just ask Philip J. Fry about it.
Klaus	"What the hell is a Grandfather Paradox?" Klaus asked.
Diego	"I'm so confused," Diego said, looking over at where Stan was...flinging a pool cue around.
Allison	Allison rolled her eyes. "Shocking."
Viktor	"Well, someone killed our mothers, so we shouldn't exist," Viktor said, sort of kind of getting this. "But we clearly do exist, and the universe can't handle it which is a problem."
Five	"Big problem," Five agreed with that 'it's an apocalypse' level of intensity he got.
Diego	"Stanley!" Diego shouted. "Now is not the time to be doing karate!"
Stan	"Mom said I need to practice!" Stan argued.
Diego	"Well, she's not wrong," Diego admitted. "You're very bad." He was nailing this parenting thing.
Allison	Allison wasn't having any of this. "Okay, Five, hold on. So we caused a paradox. What does that mean?"
Five	"It's hard to say," Five admitted. "It's all been theoretical before now, but things have started to disappear." If they hadn't noticed. He'd noticed, but it had also been all in his face too.
Viktor	Honestly? No, no the rest of them hadn't noticed. As evidenced by the fact Viktor was asking, "What things?"
Five	"Right now?" Shit, don't put him on the spot here. "Uh... lobsters." That was the one that happened here!
Klaus	"And a shitload of cows!" We can't lose the cows, we've already lost the chickens in 2023. Eggs were so expensive.
Five	So expensive. Guys, invest in eggs. "But I have the feeling this is just the beginning." And how often had he been wrong here?
Allison	"A feeling?" Allison asked. "Aren't you retired?"
Five	"I want nothing more." Could they not understand how badly he wanted to dress like an old man on his way to the local diner for oatmeal and cottage cheese?
Allison	"You know, you can't drag us through hell because you have an itch only an apocalypse can scratch, and then expect us to deal with the fallout," Allison said, crossing her arms over her chest. "You're not the boss."
Five	"Fine," Five replied, exacerbated by this entire debate. "I'm the messenger, and I'm telling you something terrible is coming."
Allison	"Then let's go attack the Sparrows, grab the briefcase, and get us home." At this point she didn't even care which home they went back to so long as they were out of here.
Five	"This is our home, Allison. Accept it." Oh, that wouldn't come back to bite him in the butt at all. No, no, no.
Diego	There was a cracking noise as Stanley finally broke the cue he was messing with. "That's it," Diego said. "I'm telling your mom." Ohhhh and he so would snitch.
Five	"Wait, where's Lila?" Because this could had the possibility of being fixed if she had her briefcase here.
Stan	"Shower," Stan replied, wondering why someone his age was dressed like such a dork. "I told her she could stay here."
Five	And that was Five's queue to go hunt her down to put their collective brains together to figure this out. Or something similar to that without killing each other in the process. Hopefully none of his family were surprised that he was just bouncing without a word.
Diego	Diego wasn't surprised, Five, he was just disappointed. "Where are you going?" You couldn't just tell them that they were going to die--again--and then flounce!
Five	He would flounce anytime he liked! "To talk to someone who only has half her head up her ass." Well, that was colorful.
Five	"Five, no. No, don't leave." Come on, road trip buddy!
Five	"No, Klaus," Five said, firmly. Because Klaus. "I'm leaving." And getting to the bottom of this. Like a little side quest. Just him and Lila.
Viktor	"He has a good track record with this stuff," Viktor said as he watched Five flounce. "I feel like we should listen to him."
Klaus	"Sure. Hey, quick question," Klaus said offhandedly before slamming his hand back on the book. "Do none of you heartless bastards care about our murdered moms?"
Klaus	"Klaus, the only mom we knew plugged into a wall." Like, sorry to this mom, but Diego did not know her.
Klaus	"Oh yeah? This is my real mother," Klaus said, pointing at an obituary. "She's called Rachel, and I have her eyes. See?" "Come on! We have to find out who did this. That's the thing! This is the main thing!" Way more important than whatever stuff Five was babbling about.
Diego	"That's all you want?" Diego asked. "'Cause it's obviously Dad, all right? He knew where we were born. He hated us in '63. Boom, murders."
Klaus	"You think Dad is capable of murdering innocent people?" Which might've been the dumbest question Klaus had ever asked in his life.
Viktor	"Absolutely," Viktor said.
Diego	"Murder city, buddy," Diego agreed.
Annie	Annie had spent the better part of several hours sitting in a park, by herself, thinking about the test she'd taken. And the two lines on it. She was pregnant. Officially. Timing could have been better, considering she'd love to go get a third opinion in the form of her doctor, and they were stuck in a very weird spot here, right now, but -- she was pregnant. Annie had finally made enough peace with herself over all of this to go find coffee, facing immediate disappointment when she realized she had to get decaf, and then had come across Luther heading back to the hotel again when she'd started that way back, herself. And while she was kind of ready to vibrate out of her skin thanks to her news, she also really wanted to handle this right. She couldn't just blurt it out, and she needed to tell Diego in private. Stanley made things a little complicated on this front, too. "Hey," she called, waving her cup in a vague little greeting as she and Luther made their way over in their matching, maroon tracksuits.
Diego	Diego's shoulders slumped in obvious relief when he saw Annie. Like, in the back of his head he knew she had this handled, but the last time he thought that it hadn't gone well. "There you are---why are you guys dressed like a hip-hop dance duo?"
Annie	"The Sparrows took us captive," Annie told him, like it should be obvious -- since, in her opinion, it was, and furthermore, she would have expected -- Like, she kept alluding to, and threatening Ben, and.... "Did you guys even look for us?" she asked, visibly hurt all over again.
Klaus and Viktor	Immediately both Viktor and Klaus tried to act like they totally knew that had happened. "We're happy you're home safe and sound," Klaus said. At the same time Viktor said, "Yes, we were worried, oh my god."
Diego	Diego, however, told the truth. "I thought you were super pissed and wanted space and took Luther with you to bond." He had no idea why Annie and Luther got along so well, but he had learned to just accept it and not ask why.
Annie	Okay, that was actually a really good answer, Diego. Annie didn't have an argument for that -- she had been pissed (still kind of was, honestly, it was just that she had bigger things to deal with now), and when they were mad at each other, she and Diego were usually very healthy about giving one another space. "That's fair," she acknowledged, a little bit of her tension leaving her shoulders as she gently hefted up a tote bag bearing a sparrow onto the table. "Well. They were pretty good hosts, actually."
Luther	"They were great!" Luther said with the enthusiasm of someone who had just got laid. "Really quite charming, actually. Oh, and you should see their gym! Outstanding! I really think we got these guys all wrong."
Allison	Allison tilted her head. "They kidnapped you."
Diego	"What did they want?" Diego asked. Other than to give out swag, obviously.
Annie	"Marcus," Annie supplied, looking over to him with her brows raised. "Their Number One." This was a whole eye-for-an-eye thing. She was just collateral damage. (Collateral damage who had also enjoyed their gym.) "They want him back, unharmed." So if you guys had him, now would be an excellent time to share that. Also maybe dig up some swag. They didn't want to look bad in comparison.
Viktor	"We don't have Marcus." Sooooooo that was a problem.
Annie	"Of course not," Annie sighed, taking a sip of her annoyingly decaf coffee. "Great. I was kinda hoping that'd be the easy one, since we also have disappearing people to deal with." Surpriiiiiiiiiiiiiise! Annie had gotten to see this firsthand!

Five	Maybe Lila was expecting a different Hargreeves to come find her in the communal bathroom. But that was not in the cards in this timeline. That ship sailed with a wedding last year. No, instead, Five sauntered on in to find her indeed in the bath. "The hell are you doing in here?" As in the hotel in general, really.
Lila	Lila decided to answer him in the specific, just to be contrary. "Shaving my nest, you little perv," Lila answered, apparently entirely unfazed to see him. At least she was very strategically covered in bubbles.
Five	Of course she did. God, it really was another sibling, wasn't it? "Don't flatter yourself, Lila," Five replied dryly. "I like my women a little less likely to kill me in my sleep."
Lila	Lila's (finally, for real this time) dearly departed mum might have had something to say about that. "We're learning so much about each other," Lila told him with a smile as she slid her hand over to her clothes, as though trying to make herself decent. Instead, however, she pulled a knife from the pile and whipped it over in his direction. And you know what? She might just have been close enough to certain other Hargreeves to not even have to question her aim.
Five	He learned from his romantic mistakes, okay! Five teleported away, letting the knife slam into the door he'd just entered through, reappearing across the room where the sinks were. Because he was a wily little shit like that. Unfortunately for him, so was Lila. He turned quickly to find her again, but was met with nothing.
Lila	Surprise! It was Lila, who could teleport just like you, Five! Remember that? And here she was, with her strategically placed bubbles, to slam his head into a mirror. They had the cutest friendship, these two.
Five	He wasn't wrong in saying she was like a sister. You know, considering their upbringing. And no, he hadn't forgotten she could teleport, but he had been maybe a lil' overconfident in himself. Which was quickly being disabused by the upper hand she had in the fight for the moment, sending him stumbling back to tumbled onto the floor. Luckily for him, there was a towel there to grab in order to defend himself with. Yes, a towel.
Lila	Oh, damn it. Being strangled with a towel, it turned out, was very little fun indeed. Fortunately for Lila, she could still reach for her knife (why she didn't decide it was another great time to teleport was, and would remain, a mystery) and started swiping back at Five with it. Like a brother, totally.
Lila	Yeah, it tracked if you grew up with Diego. The towel was abandoned in favor of the metal tray for her bathing accoutrements being used like both a shield after getting in one good palm heel strike. Because he wasn't here for a murder, okay? He was here for information. That was probably why the fight escalated to Five squirting shampoo into her eyes.
Lila	Fucking hell, Five. A low blow! "All right, enough!" she yelled, her eyes stinging madly as she reached for a stupid towel to wrap around her stupid body to see what this stupid little menace wanted. "I forgot how much I hate you, you puny little turd."
Five	"The feeling's mutual, Lila," Five said, catching his breath after all of that fighting. It was somewhere between exhilarating to fight someone on his level and deeply exhausting. "As much as I'd love to stand here, shivving each other, I have bigger concerns than you."
Lila	"Yeah? Like what?" Lila was already very occupied with bubble baths and foisting off a child she was definitely biologically related to onto your brother, Five. She was a very busy woman. She didn't have time for whatever bigger concerns you'd decided to bring her way.
Five	Well, tough luck! It was time for a buddy cop thing. "What do you know about the grandfather paradox?"
Lila	"Well, I read the same training manuals you did," Lila pointed out slowly, as though that should be quite obvious. Because it was.
Five	Look, confirming she actually did the homework was important here. Because, well... "Because it's happening."
Lila	"...you being stupid?" Lila asked, really wanting that to be the case. Fuck, that was the last thing she wanted to hear.
Five	"Hand over your briefcase," Five said, not even deigning to give that an answer. "I need to go to Herb and find out how he let things get so cocked up." Because they did everything they could. And so did Lila. So why was the apocalypse still here?
Lila	"Over there with my knickers," Lila replied, leaning back against a wall. Not because she was tired from fighting, don't be ridiculous. It was just how she moved naturally, all loungey and languid, okay? It was a vibe. "Toss them to me, will you?"
Five	Ugh, she was the worst. Five tossed the requested undergarments at her before stopping as he dug through the rest of her clothing to find two briefcases waiting for him there. "Lila, why is it you have two briefcases?" It was a stupid question because he could just guess.
Lila	"Mmm." Should she warn him? Nah. "One of them's yours. Nicked it from the Sparrows. Go on, give it a go." That was almost like a warning, really -- the fact that she was encouraging him to do anything at all meant that Lila already knew what would happen.
Five	Rude! Five opened up the first case, peering into it where lights sputtered and died. Then shoved that one to the side before trying the second one to the very same end. "This--this can't be happening," Five sputtered. "The odds of one of them failing, it's in the millions. But two of them--" Ohhhh, they really fucked up this time, didn't they?
Lila	"Astronomical," Lila agreed as she wiped a bit of lingering shampoo out of her eye, having reached this conclusion already herself. "Yeah. So what's that mean, exactly?" A second later, she pointed at Five, hopeful and eager. "End of the world?" Honestly felt like they were overdue for that.
Five	"Much worse than that," Five said, letting that just sit in the air for a moment before picking the worst case scenario. "It means you and I are going to have to work together."
Lila	Lila felt she spoke for everyone with her soft, obviously disappointed, "Shit." He was right. That was worse.
Five	So bad, in fact, they needed to separate for a brief period to get dressed. Or just change clothing in Five's case. Because the apocalypse called for a new suit. One that covered his knees! Five had procured jumper cables and was connecting them to the very rickety electrical box a service closet of the hotel and also to one of the brief cases. He was not looking forward to the third set of cables at the moment, though.
Lila	"Nice suit." Lila had been quiet about it for so long already, Five. She basically deserved a medal for her patience. She, it should be noted, had also dressed, though part of her had thought it would be fairly hilarious to just keep wearing that towel through this adventure, and was also holding a pair of sparking alligator clips to assist.
Five	"Thanks," Five said, checking on the other cables. "Tailor in the lobby is a master craftsman." And he needed to stop dressing like a retired person.
Lila	But at least he'd not reverted to dressing like an adventuring schoolboy from the turn of the century? "Still, I will miss those pasty little knees."
Five	"Yeah, well, we could all stand to show a little less skin these days." The naked fight had not been a highlight for him, thanks.
Lila	You were the one who'd walked in on her in the bath and not left, Five! Lila had been naked in an appropriate capacity, for once! "For you," she offered companionably, holding out the pair of jumper cables she was still holding, and seeming entirely too cheerful about all of this. "Ready to hotwire this briefcase?"
Five	Not in the slightest. But Sir Reginald didn't emotionally scar no quitter! Five bounced on his toes like a boxer, psyching himself up for it before grabbing the end of those cables. "Let's do this."
Lila	Lila needed no further cue, and turned a knob with nigh-unto-reckless abandon. Oooh, look, it made the lights do a thing! Also, maybe it affected Five a little?
Five	Oh yeah, the lights flickered and the blue waves of his power emanated from his hands as he concentrated on giving the briefcase some juice, but mostly it was just painful all around. Which was pretty clear from his reactions that weren't quite screaming. But it was clearly pretty painful for him. "Shit, Lila!" And then, the briefcase just burst into flames. Helpfully.
Lila	Lila, perhaps predictably, found this absolutely hysterical. To the point, in fact, that she was just going to make her way out to the hallway, clapping and laughing so hard that she couldn't actually breathe. What else was she going to do? Cry about it? "Yeah, I was ninety-nine percent sure that wasn't going to work."
Five	Five dropped the cables as soon as he saw the fire, batting at it to put it out before he turned on his heel to find her. "Well, I'm so glad my pain amuses you." Which should shock no one considering who raised her, really.
Lila	"You have no idea," Lila told him, actually completely serious on this point. "It's like my therapy." Watching the guy who'd killed her birth parents, and with whom her abusive adoptive mother had been obsessed with, get electrocuted? Healthier than therapy, really!
Five	Rude! "Well now we are down to one half-dead briefcase, and my jumps are only accurate up to a couple minutes, so essentially, we're screwed." Hence the lack of humor here!
Lila	"Maybe. Maybe not," Lila told him. He should be wildly suspicious of the way she smiled at him when she said that.
Five	He was suspicious of most everything she did, so that worked. "Oh, I don't like that smile," Five said with an annoyed sigh.
Lila	"Listen," Lila began, actually fairly business-like, "on your own, your little jumps are rather pathetic. But if we powered up together, you blinking, me mimicking that blink, I think we could create some kind of feedback loop and get enough juice to jumpstart the case." She'd been thinking about this, amidst all the laughter and mockery.
Five	"Both of us?" he asked dubiously.
Lila	"We'd have to trust each other." Yes, she heard it too. But it was quite honestly the only option she saw available to them.
Five	"Lila, you just spent the better part of our time together trying to kill me." Which was fair, but it did not inspire trust and cooperation.
Lila	"You killed my birth parents!" Lila retorted. Which, like. She did have a point there.
Five	"Fair enough." Also, that was in the past! The long past even!
Lila	Ah, but there were still reasons to be mad at him in the recent past! "And," Lila continued, a little more serious and emotional, now, "you and your entire family stood by while that greasy Swede put a cap into the woman who raised me."
Five	Okay, she wanted to go there, did she? "The Handler was going to kill you, Lila," Five said, also dropping some of the limited sense of humor he had about this. "In fact, she did kill you. Then I rolled back time and let the meatball do his work." It had been very emotional and only a little traumatizing. "And whatever it is you think you're doing with Diego and Stan? You need to stop it. That idiot went and got married since the last time you saw him. Do you understand me?"
Lila	Oh no, that cut a little too close to the mark for Lila's taste. It was a whole lot easier to pretend nearly all of this was a game -- her mother, Five, the fighting, Diego, Stan -- than to face the fact that Lila knew perfectly well that her methods of expressing affection and a desire to be loved in return were attention-getting, but not...healthy. "What do you know?" she replied, trying for a dismissive scoff and not quite landing it. Probably had to do with her distinct lack of eye contact and the way she reached for the easiest jab she could think of. "You spent decades shagging a mannequin."
Five	"Do not talk about Dolores like that," Five warned, taking a step toward her. Because the Hargreeves were weirdly loyal folks.
Lila	"This is insane," Lila decided, exasperated. "There's no way we're going to make it past this to get to the Commission." You were just too unlikeable, Five! Just you. You were the only problem here.
Five	Look, they could both be the problem here! Or they could go back to blaming Viktor. Viktor was usually good for it. But no, her dumb idea... had merit. "Okay, perhaps we can't get to trust," Five said. "But there is a certain honesty in white-hot hatred." And they had that in spades!
Lila	Oh, and look. His dumb idea also had merit. Lila could trust that she hated him, and that Five hated her. "Then come over here, you god-awful little shit." Lila thrust a hand out, beckoning while she got the briefcase into position. "And hold my hand." Friendship.
Five	Somewhere, some puppets were singing about how they were learning. Five took her hand and graciously allowed himself to be lead back into the closet with their last remaining briefcase. Because he could work with a team. Maybe. A tiny bit.
Lila	"Okay, relax," Lila said, when she'd finally gotten the briefcase hooked up to the best of her -- quite good, thank you -- abilities. She might just actually have this.
Five	"I can't," Five grumbled. "Your breath is terrible." Such a mature, old man.
Lila	"Garlic is for winners!" And Lila believed in measuring it with her heart, as you should. "Enough foreplay!" The longer they sat here bitching, the longer they had to spend in each other's presence.
Five	Ah, like a real sibling! "This is so stupid," Five grumbled.
Lila	"Power up, shithead!" Lila ordered, one hand on the briefcase. This needed to be something of a synchronized effort, if it was going to work.
Five	And the usual whirling glow of his power started around their hands with a little more steadiness than before, the lights flickering in the room as it stayed at that level and no more.
Lila	"That's it!" Lila was almost encouraging, Five! Don't get used to it. She mimicked him with a matching glow, though it wasn't long at all before she was pretty clearly frustrated. "Let me in!"
Five	"It's too much!"
Lila	"Don't bitch out on me now!" Of all the times, honestly.
Five	Ugh, he hated when someone else was right. "I hate you so much!"
Lila	"Then get this right -- otherwise it's me and you in the Stone Age forever," Lila retorted with a little groan of effort. That was her being right again. Just saying.
Five	Well, something of it worked as Five poured more power into it with a shout of pain and, just like that, both they and the briefcase were gone from the closet. Hopefully not to the Stone Age, but you never knew.